Candy Bars, Papertowels, and Aqua Fresh

When I was a kid, like most kids, I was severely annoyed by some of my mom's rules. I was particularly annoyed by the limits she imposed regarding:

• Candy Bars (she would not let me have one every day--which I found to be completely unreasonable)
• Papertowels (she wanted me to use kitchen towels or washcloths most of the time), and
• Aqua Fresh (she insisted on buying store brand tooth paste--even when I whined and begged a lot because I really really wanted Aqua Fresh)

I swore to myself that when I grew up I would have a candy bar every day, I would never use kitchen towels or washcloths--only papertowels--LOTS of papertowels, and I would brush my teeth with Aqua Fresh twice a day every day.

Well, the candy bar thing never did work out. By the time I had enough money and autonomy to buy a candy bar every day I was too worried about my health and my weight to go there. And now, I don't actually even *want* a candy bar every day. It just doesn't sound good to me anymore. (Have you had Rolos lately? They taste like paste dipped in Saran Wrap.)

The papertowel thing--I ran with it. I'm 34 years old and I don't own any kitchen towels or kitchen washcloths. None. I use paper towels for everything. Lots of them. As many as I want. Every day. And no one ever asks me to use a regular towel. And! My husband picks up papertowels from the store whenever I want them--I don't even have to leave the house! It's bliss.

Also, I'm proud to say that I now know what it's like to brush my teeth with Aqua Fresh twice a day every day. It's lovely. The fancy stripes. The minty flavor that's not-too-minty. The pretty logo on the front. Ahh, the luxuries of being a grown up. Life is good. Well, it was good.

Lately, a new mother has been imposing limits on me. And she's way more annoying than my own mother was when I was growing up. My mother generally just said "no" matter of factly, usually explained that we couldn't afford whatever it was I wanted, and that was that. Occasionally I tried whining to get my way, but it never worked and there was little to no drama. I didn't cry, and my mother certainly never cried.

The other mother who's been nagging me, Mother Nature, she cries. It was my husband, Matt, who first pointed it out. I hadn't really been paying attention. It started with the pineapple. Matt and I sometimes marinate pineapple in brown sugar and pineapple juice before we grill it. Then, Matt pointed out that Mother Nature didn't approve of the practice. He would say "Mother Nature is asking 'Why!? Why would you do that to pineapple!? Pineapple is Mother Nature's candy!?'" And then for the first time I heard it. I heard Mother Nature crying. Crying because of something I did.

Mostly now we just grill the pineapple like Mother Nature made it--without a sugary marinade.

Mother Nature doesn't cry when we do it that way.

Now that Mother Nature knows she has my ear, she's speaking up more often. Last weekend we ran out of papertowels. So, instead of indiscriminately using half a roll of papertowels (made from Mother Nature's trees) to clean the kitchen, I scrounged up some rags. Because I don't own any kitchen towels or washcloths I had to go the basement, find rags suitable for cleaning, schlep them upstairs, and I couldn't throw them away when I was done. Cleaning with something non-disposable is probably a normal routine for most people, but I have this pouty eight year old in me who feels *entitled* to clean with papertowels that are easy to find, easy to throw away, and aren't gross (like kitchen sponges--eww). As I was cleaning I was feeling sort of annoyed and put-out, since I would have to actually then clean the rags when I was done cleaning the kitchen. And then I heard it, clear as a bell. I heard "Mother Nature is *happy* you are out of paper towels."

Mmm-hmm, she's going after my papertowels.

It's a low blow.

And now, I'm afraid if I go back to my old papertowel ways, I'll hear Mother Nature crying again. Crying because I'm killing her trees so that I don't have to wash kitchen towels and washcloths. I don't like to hear Mother Nature cry. Plus, I'm pretty sure her salty tears are bad for the finish on the wood floors.

Being a grown up is great, but not quite as great as I imagined it would be.

I'm making plans to get some kitchen towels and washcloths.

And I'm *really* hoping she leaves my Aqua Fresh alone.

Side Note: I really wanted to name this post "Mother Nature is a Big Fat Whiny Cry Baby" but, you know, it seemed like it might make her cry.